How do you have a friend with benefits

I have a friend with benefits, she was initially just a good friend, what I did was being very sexual, compliment her, flirt, touch her, dance with her. get close to her, go travel with her and sleep in the same bed of hostels with her.

There was always a bit of electricity when I was with her, when she touched me we both could feel that sort of electricity, like a weird pleasant feeling, when we watched movies we cuddled, and our hearts would start beating faster and the breathing would be more intense. You could say we had some electricity, although nothing happened for like the first 2 months. We were just friends.

The day we both had sex we were in a hostel, and I was taking a shower in the bathroom, I just came out naked because I forgot my towel and she couldn't help but be curious of my thing down there. She was kind of acting like oh no why are you naked, but she was also taking peeks all the time. It was like she wanted it, but couldn't admit wanting it or maybe was shy, I don't know. I put my underwear, dried, she took a shower, and also came out naked after finishing and putting her pijama in front of me. I offer to give her a massage and she agreed, I removed her clothes for the massage and use some moisturizing cream we have for the hands as massage oil.

When I was massaging her back, she couldn't help, but feel the electricity again, and was starting to move her body and making noises, I took that as a sign that she wouldn't mind if I spice things up, and started wishpering in her ear, like most girls she is very sensitive in the ear, so she started moaning with pleasure. I said to her I wanted to kiss her, and she said ok, so I just kiss her neck, and then she turned around and we started making out, removing my clothes, put a condom and had sex.

We always knew we felt the desire for each other before that happened because we could feel the sexual tension whenever we touched, and always joked accusing her of seducing me, while she said it was my fault that we felt that electricity. She always made it clear that she didn't want to date me, because I'm her good friend, and I always agree and said we couldn't date because we would just be too perfect for each other in a joking manner, I never took her rejection like a solid rejection because I knew that her words were not congruent with her behaviour. She was saying one thing, but her body was clearly saying the opposite and when I call her out for it she admitted, it could be possible.

We still don't date and have no intention of being together, but whenever we see each other we have sex and then just do bormal friendly things like shopping, eating, watching moves, but we are also dating other people, she is dating some guy, and I am dating some other girl, we are not in exclusive relationships though.

• To summarise:

If you are the guy, be very sexual, act like a man with her, it's ok to be friends, but be a man, don't hide your sexual interest, let her know she is turning you on but don't be creepy about it, always say things in a joking manner, don't tell her you want a relationship, instead just joke that you could never be together or things like that, but continue flirting, teasing and touching her, be comfortable with your sexuality and when there is an opportunity take it, don't hesitate don't be shy about it, be perfectly comfortable and confident of expressing your sexual desire. If you are scared of rejection or shy about sex or think she would get offended, you will never have a friends with benefits, also never tell her you have feelings for her because then the friendship with benefits will be over, and of course don't act jealous if she talks with or about other guys, and make a move, if you never go for a kiss, nothing will happen even if you both feel sexual tension, so tell her what you want and if she says yeah, game on.

As I said, I never hide the fact that I found her sexually desirable and that if she kept looking at me like that or touching at me like that, one day I would kiss her, she could have avoided me after saying things like that, but instead she played along until it happened, and now she is the one wanting it more than I do.

Follow me on my Instagram: Ernes (@transerernes)

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How can I talk to the girl I have a crush on?

Take her off the pedestal: 

The reason you can't say anything to this girl and think too much what to say is because you feel like you need to impress her and you feel like you need to impress her because you consider her to be superior to you, and you do that because you think her beauty is too mesmerising that when you compare yourself to her. 

You believe that if you wanna say something to her it better the most funny or interesting thing she is ever heard off or she will turn you down faster than you can say “Hello”, but that's not true. 

So take her off the pedestal, treat her like an equal and like she is a human, not a goddess, remember that she, like every other human, also likes to take a huge shit in the bathroom from time to time, as hopefully that will help you realize that she is not that perfect and that if she is not as perfect, then there is no reason for you to believe that you have to say the perfect thing or that you have to be perfect yourself for her to like you. 

Do not seek her approval is what I am saying, don't do or say things that you think she wants you to do or say, just because you think that will make her like you, because the reality is, it will not work.

Observe what she is doing, saying or wearing or what other people are saying, doing or wearing and comment about it: 

If she is has an iPhone you could talk about iPhones and Apple products, if she happens to be texting you could comment about texting habits and how much time you text. 

If she is studying you could comment about what you two want to study after school in college, or what you want to become in the future. If she is talking about a TV show, don't be afraid to talk about the Tv show and aka her questions about it if you haven't seen the tv show. 

If she is dressing in some clothes that you think make her look good, say a compliment about her fashion style, and ask her where she got the talent to dress so well… observe and comment.

Flirt and tease her: 

You could talk all you want with women but unless you flirt and tease her she is only gonna see you as a friend. 

So if you want her as more than a friend you had to flirt in an obvious way, so she notices that you are not just after friendship and tease so that she feels challenge, since girls don't tend to like when someone showers them with compliments all the time and never challenge them by messing with them. 

To tease her you could:

• Pretend like she is annoying you in a playful way.
• Telling her that you two can never be friends in a joking way and with a smile
• Blocking her path in a playful way
• Offering a high 5 and leave her hanging.

To flirt, you need to act like you are romantically interested in her, you do that by acting and talking in suggestive ways, for example: 

• Letting her see you checking her out
• winking her
• playfully touching her
•  playing footsie
• hitting on her
• misinterpreting what she says
• using double meaning jokes and words.

Have confidence and act confident or at least pretend to be confident until you are confident: 

The reason this is important is because if you stutter or are scared of her or of others who hear you talking and flirting with her, or if you doubt too much about what to say or doubt too much touching her then you will just be creepy.

You need to be sure of what you do and not doubt or be scared. You also need to believe that you are good enough for her even if she says something mean que negative about you or puts a weird negative face to you. 

You need to be sure of your own value as a potential lover no matter what, you have to really believe that there is no reason why a girl wouldn't like you, and be able to not get sad or affected by any negative thing others (including her) do or say. 

So if someone tries to be mean to you or piss you off, remember that a confident person doesn't get angry or affected by that, a confident person laughs or ignores in a funny not too serious way.

This is it, this 4 points are all you need to understand to be able to talk to her.

Tips to flirt better with girls if you are scared

To avoid the friendly vive, you need to be interested in sex to some extent without being creepy. You need to compliment her, treat her like she turns you on, now there is a fine line between being sexual and being creepy. If you come in too strong, you will scare girls away. If you however never show your intentions then she will always think you just want friendship.

So, compliment both her personality but also her looks, tell her she has a nice butt, or that if she keeps looking at you like that, you won't be able to control yourself, or that when she touches you like that your heart starts beating faster, or playfully touch her, tickle her if you two are comfortable with each other, wink at her, check her out and don't be shy about getting caught, don't apologise for expressing sexual interest, because if you express sexual interest and hen apologise it shows that you don't know what you want and that you are insecure, if you come on to strong and offend her then just kidding will do, but only if she is seriously offended, and next time remember not too come on that strong.

Other forms of flirting include teasing like: pretending she is annoying you, acting offended, playfully messing with her, taking something she wants further away out of her reach, trolling her, mimicking or imitating her, blocking her path playfully, making her think you are going to give her something and then taking it away when she tries to grab it.

Hitting on her, like pick up lines is considered flirting too, but you need to be careful not say something too cheesy or something she has heard a million times before. A sincere compliment of how her attitude sparks your sexual desire is also flirting such as: “when you show how smart you are about biological psychology, is like my brain has a reaction which causes my heart to beat faster making me feel hot all of the sudden” ok just made that up, but you get the point hopefully, dont just say wow you are so smart, instead say how a quality you admire from her makes you desire her and want her more.

Another way to flirt is to take what she says as an opportunity to hit on her for example:

She: are you gay? You: after seeing you, not anymore.

She: I bet you said that to every girl

You: Maybe, but I feel different when I say it to you.

She: Do you often approach girls?

You: Only those who punch me in the heart with eyes like yours.

Example of a flirty conversation with girls

Step 1 - Express your interest in her confidently clear and without fear: “I really like your fashion sense, it makes you look classy but quite attractive, my name is … I saw you and I thought you looked nice, so wanted to find out if your personality is as fine as fine as your looks ;)”

Step 2 - she answers, and if you know what you look for in a woman you can ask her questions to find out if she is the kind of woman that you want:

you: “so what are your hobbies, what do you do apart from talking to cute guys?” (Flirting example)

She: “hahaha, I work as a retail assistant in a clothing store and I also like to paint in my free time what about you?”

You: “well, I work in a company as a (your position) and on my free time I like to hit the gym and then I also like spending my free time making love, but only with a good woman ;) . So as you can see I’m a very versatile man :). But you said you paint on your free time? I don’t usually meet an artist, do you have any photos of your paintings?” (Don’t be afraid to bring up sex, bring it up and act like it’s the most normal thing to talk about)

She: hahah, wow, very versatile indeed. Wait let me look for my phone. (She is probably blushing)

you: don’t be like those girls who are afraid of admitting they have desires for fear of being judged, I’m a really open minded guy, anyways show me your paintings.

She: yeah I can show you I have some here in my phone, take a look… (for a good reaction you need to say the sexual thing (i like making love) and then change topic immediately in a natural way (so you paint on your free time? to distract her from the sexual tension created)

You: oh wow, you really have an artistic vain, I can already imagine you painting my beautiful body with your talented hands while I listen to classical music. (Close your eyes) Oh yeah, that feels wonderful…

She: hahahahaha… i would make you look really good if i painted you…

You: don’t tempt me, or I will be forced to get your number and make plans to see you sometime after work. For my painting. Fuck it, you seem like a cool girl, put your number in my phone…

She: hahaha, it’s 0753 - xxx - xxx

The point is to flirt, be fun, non serious, avoid being too creepy when you flirt (for example you cannot just say that you want to fuck her or look threatening or thirsty when you bring up sex because she would run away or call the cops) Just casually mention you like sex like it’s no big deal without fear or hesitation.

The worst that can happen is that she feels uncomfortable which will only happen if you came on too strong or serious, but the key is not to be afraid of making girls uncomfortable.. if she tells you fuck off so be it, go for the next girl and tone it down next time but keep bringing up sex in a smooth elegant non creepy way. Works best when it’s obvious it’s a joke.

And then just see how she is. It really isn’t about discussing politics. It’s about taking an interest in her and joke around a bit and flirt.

What to talk about or say to make a girl interested in you

The typical answer most people give to this question is be yourself. 

These people have never had a problem when it comes to dating so of course they just tell you to “be yourself” as if you haven't been yourself until they told you here in Quora, or when they say that girls either they are interested or they aren't, “as if you couldn't make yourself more attractive or interesting by working out or having an interesting life or interesting hobbies or social life, forgetting the fact that just because you talk about things that you both like doesn't mean the other person will want a romantic relationship with you, which is what you want.

So what then is the trick to get someone interested in you you might ask now? Well, its not a one magic trick and boom she is interested, I will try to explain as good as I can:

1- Make your life interesting. 

Why do I say this? because the majority of guys who want a girl to like them tend to be guys who don't have much going on in their life's apart from going to school, or work in a 9 to 5 boring job, or playing videogames and watching TV. If your life is not interesting you will have less things to talk about and your life will be less interesting. Most people are boring because they live boring life's, so if you stand out and do many different things like playing sports, music, traveling, learning languages, reading about topics you are passionate about, going to parties… etc you will have more experiences and things to talk about. The more experinces you have the more interesting you will be, and the easier to connect as well with other people. If you just play videogames all day and pretty much nothing else, why would anyone be interested in you?

2- Work out. 

Not only is it healthy for you but also makes you look more attractive, the more attractive you are the less interesting you have to be. See how many attractive girls get so much attention just for being pretty when they really are boring and do nothing interesting with their lives apart from buying clothes and make up from the mall…. With guys is the same most people who work out are pretty dumb, they really are not that interesting all they talk about is protein, 6 packs, and all that, yet they get many girls interested in them.

3- Act in a masculine way, not in a feminine way. (Probably gonna get hammered with this statement.) 

Why do I say it? Because many boys act very weak towards girls, they are insecure, they are clingy, needy So on… those behaviours are not masculine, I can't tell you how many women feel like they are the man in the relationship when they are dating guys who act like that. Attraction grows when men act more masculine and when girls act more feminine. 

So if you find yourself constantly texting girls To get them to like you over the phone stop, you are not gonna make them like you more over the phone at least not in a romantic way. Don't bombard her with texts, if she ignores you don't pursue her or demand from her why she hasn't replied to you, just continue living your life and go talk to other woman, never focus all your attention on one woman as that will most likely make you needy. 

If she ignores your text you should know that the quickest way to get someone's attention is also to remove your attention from them. be willing to walk away from a girl and mean it. If you are scared of losing a girl you will indeed lose her. Only use the phone to set up dates, not to get to know them.

 (If you use the phone/Facebook, whatsapp,FaceTime, Skype,iMessage…) to get to know them then you will just be a virtual pen pal, a text buddy.

(You won't get anywhere with women if you do most of the conversation online) Never put all your happiness into the girl, make sure that you can be happy without a girl. This is the most important point. If you are insecure the girl will end up leaving you. 

Girls don't appreciate clingy boys in the long term because they look like childs that girls have to take care of and reassure them constantly that they are loved, which is not their ideal of a strong independent men.

4- Do not be yourself, instead seek to be a better version of yourself. 

Why? Because if you are just yourself and until now you haven't got any woman interested in you then, what makes you think that that will change if you continue to be yourself??? Always aim to be better and more interesting.

5- Talk to many women.

The more you talk with women the more you will get used to them, the less anxious you will be when talking to them, and the more you will know what they like to talk about.

6- Travel:

The more you travel the more experiences you will have, most people don't go to many countries outside of theirs so by doing that you become the most interesting guy almost anywhere you go.

Conclusion:

Know that it's not so much as to what you talk about with women to make them like you, but rather how you behave with them. To make them interested in you, just act in a masculine way and dont put women in a pedestal, in other words don't treat women like they are princess who need to be pleased by their man or who need a man to make them happy, avoid listening to all their problems, avoid being their shoulder to cry on, becuase women don't want to date or have sex with men who act like their female friends or gay best friends. Also, avoid taking advice from songs or romantic comedies, why do I say this? Because this portrays fantasies for women which are not real… It's pretty much Porn for women. Have you ever watch porn? You would find that while it excites you, porn and reality are very different almost opposite. What works in romantic movies, love songs or porn, doesn't work in real life.

Why don't some girls like or find nice guys attractive?

I found this somewhere, but....there is a fair amount of truth to it, imo.
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

Nice Guys complain that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherently unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.