Texting and Conversation Guidelines

TO SUMMARIZE:

- Accuse her of hitting on you or accuse her of having suspicious intentions, usually sexual ones.
For example: "Are you hitting on me?" "Why do you act so nervous when I bring it up?" "Stop looking at my cleavage" "I talked to you because you were staring at me, so it’s your fault” “Stop thinking indecent things about me” 

- Have the mentality that you are evaluating her all the time because you are the one who chooses the girl, not her.For example: Give her and take away points based on how well she behaves with you. If she says something positive, 1 point for her, if she says something negative, something that works against your interests, -1 point for her.

- Misinterpret anything that could have a double entendre (double meaning, usually a sexual double meaning)
- Mess with her, especially about things she is proud of. If she has obviously a good style, act like she doesn’t have that good style. If she obviously works out, suggest that she would benefit from working out a little bit. Be careful tough if she is fat, or very skinny don’t mess with something like that because she might simply resent you for attacking her insecurities. Only mess with things the girl is, or should be, proud of.

- Try to exagerare things, for example exaggerate your plans with her, (eg: let’s get married and fly off to the Caribbean) exaggerate your reactions and feelings in a humorous absurd way. 

- Make her imagine things and positive intense feelings with you when you suggest plans. 
Focus on describing the feelings she will feel if you meet up. The more descriptive you are the better, focus on the smell, the sounds, the sensations. She needs to imagine herself feeling those positive feelings and associate them with you.

- Don’t give away your validation
She must earn validation, so don’t try to compliment if she has not even done anything to deserve it, don’t try to accept her requests for free, always suggest you may do it, as long as she does something for you in return 

- Don’t forget to set up plans quickly
It’s important to understand that the longer the conversation, the worst. Long conversations make you a text buddy. You need to hang out, but you need to make her want to hang out without being needy.

Como ligar y hablar con una chica

Tengo muy pocos amigos

Soy poco sociable, tal vez ese es un problema.

Si, evidentemente eso es un problema. A las personas les atraen personas que se relacionan con otras, es más para tu poder conocer a chicas tienes que ser social.

No se como ligar con una chica o de que hablar con ella. A veces, no se ni que decir y como seguir conversando con ella.

A ver, es complicado resumir en un post en un foro cómo ligar. Para eso ya está Alvaro Reyes y muchos otros expertos. Yo te puedo contar un poco de teoría, porque tu pregunta lo require.

Ligar

Ligar consiste en mostrar o comunicar tu interés hacia una persona de forma directa o indirecta de forma atractiva, generalmente con el objetivo de empezar una relación sexual o romántica con dicha persona. 

Para ligar hay varias habilidades sociales cómo: 

1 - El sarcasmo, la ironía, malinterpretar lo que dice y acusarla de haber dicho algo sexual, y gastarle bromas para meterte con ella de forma cariñosa y no en serio (meterse con ella de forma cariñosa es esencial para que ella vea que no te intimida y que no la tomas tan en serio. Lo cual aumenta tu valor, es decir, la atracción de ella por ti aumenta.).

2 - El flirteo, coqueteo o sexualizar (Consiste en hacer evidente que a ella le atraes y que no buscas sólo amistad. Es fundamental para ligar. Sin sexualizar, es decir mostrar tu interés en ella sexualmente, no vas a ninguna parte con ella, aunque tengas mil temas de conversación y seáis super amigos).

3 - Hacerles sentir especiales con cumplidos honestos basados en su forma de ser, hacerlas sentir especial contándoles cómo lo que ellas te dicen y hacen te hacen sentir a ti. (Esto es esencial para justificar el interes sexual de antes, si sexualizas con ella sin que haya hecho nada para merecerlo, quedarás cómo un necesitado. En otras palabras si sexualizas, hazlo de tal manera que ellas sientan que hay un motivo bueno para ese interés. El motivo será aquello que te hace sentir la chica que la hace diferente al resto, aunque te lo tengas que inventar.)

4 - Contar historias con mucho detalle y describiendo cómo te sentías (las emociones que experimentaste) en esas historias. (Esto sirve para tener tema de conversación que explico mas abajo y para que ella te encuentre más interesante y se haga adicta a lo que le digas)

5 - Juegos de roles donde actúas con estereotipos del género opuesto para generar humor (De esta forma puedes mostrar tu inteligencia social para generar valor, es decir que ella se sienta más atraída a ti.)

6 - Lenguaje no verbal cómo los guiños, parpadear los ojos mientras miras fijamente a alguien, morderte el labio, hacer gestos para llamar la atención de la chica sin hablar, acariciar rápidamente a la otra persona en la mejilla, cogerla la mano,recogerle el pelo, jugar al footsie (footsie es tocar los pies de la chica con tus pies de forma intencional y juguetona mientras estáis sentados). (El lenguaje no verbal sirve para sexualizar sin hablar. La comunicación no verbal, aquella que no requiere contarle cosas, puede ser muy eficiente para lograr que ella te vea cómo un posible amante, en lugar de un amigo).

Todas estas habilidades requieren que las hagas con confianza y convicción. Si las haces con miedo, timidez, indecisión, dudando, con voz bajita, temblorosa y tartamudeando, con miedo a lo que digan los demás o ella, o con miedo a que te rechace o te humille... Entonces no funcionará nada. Porque la confianza es fundamental. Hablar con seguridad es importante para mostrar confianza. Que el rechazo no te afecte ni te importe, aunque imagines que debe ser doloroso y humillante es esencial para demostrar confianza.

La idea es generar valor (es decir, crear atracción de ella por ti a través de tu humor, tus historias, tu físico, tu flirteo, meterte con ella en broma) después cualificar (es decir, interesarte por ella sexualmente de forma justificada porque su forma de ser te hace sentir de manera distinta a otras mujeres. ¡Cuidado! hacer esto sin ser demasiado empalagoso o sin que parezca que te quieres casar ya porque te has enamorado demasiado rápido) y por último crear romance (Que es cuando la puedes invitar a salir, pedirle el teléfono,)

Hablar

En cuanto a hablar, lo mismo digo, es complicado resumir y entrar en detalle.

Habla no porque quieras conseguir algo (sexo, besos, citas), habla por compartir ideas, opiniones, historias, sentimientos, sensaciones, experiencias, información, conocimientos, bromas, risas con las chicas. 

Dicho esto, cuando estes contando que haces, que hiciste, que harás, o cuentes alguna anécdota, en lugar de centrarte en contar los hechos (qué ocurrió, cuándo fue, quién estuvo) Cuenta lo que sentiste o sientes en esas situaciones. Por ejemplo: 

En lugar de decir:

“Acabo de venir del gym, he estado ahí una hora levantando pesas, corriendo y terminé hace poco, y ¿tu vas al gym”

En este ejemplo, simplemente dices los hechos lógicos y te quedas bastante corto porque siendo lógico no hay mucho que contar y por eso te quedas en blanco. Y encima terminas la frase con una pregunta que normalmente sólo se puede responder si o no.

En lugar de eso, di cómo te sientes yendo al gym. 

“He ido al gym y me encanta, porque cuando me pongo los cascos con música me siento super motivado, y siento como en mis venas empieza a surgir ese poderío que te dice "hoy voy a hacer la sesión de mi vida", y puedes sentir cómo empujas las pesas arriba y abajo y ves cómo el sudor te hace sentir cómo que estás siendo productivo, que estas cumpliendo tu objetivo y eso te sube el ánimo después de un día de trabajo. Es una sensación que me encantaría compartir con una chica tan linda cómo tu alguna vez. Así que si sigues siendo tan interesante cómo hasta ahora, lo mismo te pido el teléfono y todo *le guiñas el ojo*. ¿Cuál es tu experiencia con el gym?, ¿vas a menudo?, ¿Por qué o por qué no?”

¿Ves la diferencia?

En este otro ejemplo, cuentas la misma experiencia pero desde una perspectiva más subjetiva. Le estás contando lo que sientes exactamente cuando vas al gimnasio y al ser tan descriptivo, pareces mucho mas pasional e interesante. Además al final aprovechas para mostrar tu interés sexual en ella e intentas que se cualifique (al decirle que si sigue siendo interesante o guay o inteligente le pedirás salir) para tu poder justificar el salir con ella y pedirle el teléfono o besarla.

Lo bueno de este truco es que lo puedes utilizar para todo. Da igual que seas barrendero, estudiante o emprendedor. Puedes utilizar la misma técnica siendo descriptivo y emocional, contándole cómo lo que ella hace en su vida, o lo que te dice en la conversación, te hace sentir a ti desde un punto de vista positivo claro esta. Si vas a ser negativo mejor no lo cuentes, porque parecerás un perdedor victimista.

Además la pregunta es abierta porque le preguntas por su experiencia lo cual requiere mas palabras que un si o un no. Y hay oportunidad de que ella se cualifique diciendo que le gusta estar saludable y en forma, o a lo mejor te dice que ella es vegana para salvar a los animales (lo que demuestra su ética) y tu ahí puedes justificar tu interés en ella diciéndole, por ejemplo: “Que su ética y su esfuerzo te hacen sentir diferente y más compenetrado con ella y que a una chica tan atractiva y con esos valores, no te queda mas remiendo que salir con ella y pedirle el teléfono para quedar con ella más tarde”.

En ocasiones platico con ellas personalmente o por WhatsApp, pero al pasar el tiempo ya no se que decirle o como pasar a otro nivel es decir seducirlas.

El WhatsApp es sólo para hacer planes para quedar, no para conversar con ellas o seducirlas a través de la pantalla. No digo que no se pueda interesar a las chicas por el teléfono, pero en tu caso quedaría mal que por el WhatsApp intentes hacer todo esto y luego en la vida real te quedes en blanco y seas aburrido.

Tips to flirt better with girls if you are scared

To avoid the friendly vive, you need to be interested in sex to some extent without being creepy. You need to compliment her, treat her like she turns you on, now there is a fine line between being sexual and being creepy. If you come in too strong, you will scare girls away. If you however never show your intentions then she will always think you just want friendship.

So, compliment both her personality but also her looks, tell her she has a nice butt, or that if she keeps looking at you like that, you won't be able to control yourself, or that when she touches you like that your heart starts beating faster, or playfully touch her, tickle her if you two are comfortable with each other, wink at her, check her out and don't be shy about getting caught, don't apologise for expressing sexual interest, because if you express sexual interest and hen apologise it shows that you don't know what you want and that you are insecure, if you come on to strong and offend her then just kidding will do, but only if she is seriously offended, and next time remember not too come on that strong.

Other forms of flirting include teasing like: pretending she is annoying you, acting offended, playfully messing with her, taking something she wants further away out of her reach, trolling her, mimicking or imitating her, blocking her path playfully, making her think you are going to give her something and then taking it away when she tries to grab it.

Hitting on her, like pick up lines is considered flirting too, but you need to be careful not say something too cheesy or something she has heard a million times before. A sincere compliment of how her attitude sparks your sexual desire is also flirting such as: “when you show how smart you are about biological psychology, is like my brain has a reaction which causes my heart to beat faster making me feel hot all of the sudden” ok just made that up, but you get the point hopefully, dont just say wow you are so smart, instead say how a quality you admire from her makes you desire her and want her more.

Another way to flirt is to take what she says as an opportunity to hit on her for example:

She: are you gay? You: after seeing you, not anymore.

She: I bet you said that to every girl

You: Maybe, but I feel different when I say it to you.

She: Do you often approach girls?

You: Only those who punch me in the heart with eyes like yours.

Example of a flirty conversation with girls

Step 1 - Express your interest in her confidently clear and without fear: “I really like your fashion sense, it makes you look classy but quite attractive, my name is … I saw you and I thought you looked nice, so wanted to find out if your personality is as fine as fine as your looks ;)”

Step 2 - she answers, and if you know what you look for in a woman you can ask her questions to find out if she is the kind of woman that you want:

you: “so what are your hobbies, what do you do apart from talking to cute guys?” (Flirting example)

She: “hahaha, I work as a retail assistant in a clothing store and I also like to paint in my free time what about you?”

You: “well, I work in a company as a (your position) and on my free time I like to hit the gym and then I also like spending my free time making love, but only with a good woman ;) . So as you can see I’m a very versatile man :). But you said you paint on your free time? I don’t usually meet an artist, do you have any photos of your paintings?” (Don’t be afraid to bring up sex, bring it up and act like it’s the most normal thing to talk about)

She: hahah, wow, very versatile indeed. Wait let me look for my phone. (She is probably blushing)

you: don’t be like those girls who are afraid of admitting they have desires for fear of being judged, I’m a really open minded guy, anyways show me your paintings.

She: yeah I can show you I have some here in my phone, take a look… (for a good reaction you need to say the sexual thing (i like making love) and then change topic immediately in a natural way (so you paint on your free time? to distract her from the sexual tension created)

You: oh wow, you really have an artistic vain, I can already imagine you painting my beautiful body with your talented hands while I listen to classical music. (Close your eyes) Oh yeah, that feels wonderful…

She: hahahahaha… i would make you look really good if i painted you…

You: don’t tempt me, or I will be forced to get your number and make plans to see you sometime after work. For my painting. Fuck it, you seem like a cool girl, put your number in my phone…

She: hahaha, it’s 0753 - xxx - xxx

The point is to flirt, be fun, non serious, avoid being too creepy when you flirt (for example you cannot just say that you want to fuck her or look threatening or thirsty when you bring up sex because she would run away or call the cops) Just casually mention you like sex like it’s no big deal without fear or hesitation.

The worst that can happen is that she feels uncomfortable which will only happen if you came on too strong or serious, but the key is not to be afraid of making girls uncomfortable.. if she tells you fuck off so be it, go for the next girl and tone it down next time but keep bringing up sex in a smooth elegant non creepy way. Works best when it’s obvious it’s a joke.

And then just see how she is. It really isn’t about discussing politics. It’s about taking an interest in her and joke around a bit and flirt.

How do you have a friend with benefits?

I have a friend with benefits, she was initially just a good friend, what I did was being very sexual, compliment her, flirt, touch her, dance with her. get close to her, go travel with her and sleep in the same bed of hostels with her.

There was always a bit of electricity when I was with her, when she touched me we both could feel that sort of electricity, like a weird pleasant feeling, when we watched movies we cuddled, and our hearts would start beating faster and the breathing would be more intense. You could say we had some electricity, although nothing happened for like the first 2 months. We were just friends.

The day we both had sex we were in a hostel, and I was taking a shower in the bathroom, I just came out naked because I forgot my towel and she couldn't help but be curious of my thing down there. She was kind of acting like oh no why are you naked, but she was also taking peeks all the time. It was like she wanted it, but couldn't admit wanting it or maybe was shy, I don't know. I put my underwear, dried, she took a shower, and also came out naked after finishing and putting her pijama in front of me. I offer to give her a massage and she agreed, I removed her clothes for the massage and use some moisturizing cream we have for the hands as massage oil.

When I was massaging her back, she couldn't help, but feel the electricity again, and was starting to move her body and making noises, I took that as a sign that she wouldn't mind if I spice things up, and started wishpering in her ear, like most girls she is very sensitive in the ear, so she started moaning with pleasure. I said to her I wanted to kiss her, and she said ok, so I just kiss her neck, and then she turned around and we started making out, removing my clothes, put a condom and had sex.

We always knew we felt the desire for each other before that happened because we could feel the sexual tension whenever we touched, and always joked accusing her of seducing me, while she said it was my fault that we felt that electricity. She always made it clear that she didn't want to date me, because I'm her good friend, and I always agree and said we couldn't date because we would just be too perfect for each other in a joking manner, I never took her rejection like a solid rejection because I knew that her words were not congruent with her behaviour. She was saying one thing, but her body was clearly saying the opposite and when I call her out for it she admitted, it could be possible.

We still don't date and have no intention of being together, but whenever we see each other we have sex and then just do normal friendly things like shopping, eating, watching moves, but we are also dating other people, she is dating some guy, and I am dating some other girl, we are not in exclusive relationships though.

To summarise:

If you are the guy, be very sexual, act like a man with her, it's ok to be friends, but be a man, don't hide your sexual interest, let her know she is turning you on but don't be creepy about it, always say things in a joking manner, don't tell her you want a relationship, instead just joke that you could never be together or things like that, but continue flirting, teasing and touching her, be comfortable with your sexuality and when there is an opportunity take it, don't hesitate don't be shy about it, be perfectly comfortable and confident of expressing your sexual desire. 

If you are scared of rejection or shy about sex or think she would get offended, you will never have a friends with benefits, also never tell her you have feelings for her because then the friendship with benefits will be over, and of course don't act jealous if she talks with or about other guys, and make a move, if you never go for a kiss, nothing will happen even if you both feel sexual tension, so tell her what you want and if she says yeah, game on.

As I said, I never hide the fact that I found her sexually desirable and that if she kept looking at me like that or touching at me like that, one day I would kiss her, she could have avoided me after saying things like that, but instead she played along until it happened, and now she is the one wanting it more than I do.

This answer taken from my Quora feed: 

How do you have a friend with benefits

How to show a girl that you want to become more than friends.

You show her by treating her like you want more than friendship, and by showing that you don't think of her as just a friend anymore, and that is by flirting with her, teasing her playfully, playfully touching her, and making moves. To flirt and tease could make your friendship awkward because you are behaving all of the sudden like a guy who wants to be with her rather than a guy who is just platonic. They key thing here is to know what you want if you begin to flirt with her then you should be ok with the fact that you could lose the friendship, which is normal. You cannot be both platonic friends and romantic partners, you have to choose.

Teasing examples:

• Pretending that she is annoying you with an obvious smile when you pretend to be annoyed. It has to be obvious that you are exaggerating your drama to the point of absurdity.
• Exaggerating playfully every mistake she makes, for example if she has trouble opening the locker, you could over exaggerate how clumsy she is, and like even a 1 year old could do it, the more you exaggerate the better, so she knows you are joking or must not be serious (Note: don't be too mean, always say you are just kidding at the ends, specially if she gets a bit mad or sad after teasing her).
• Offering a high five to her, but leave her hanging when she is about to high five you and making a bit of fun of her for being so naive.
• Pretend like something she did has disgusted you for example: “OMG, gross, you just spat on me when you said that, you are lucky to be pretty, cuz once the looks are gone you will be in trouble” if she says sorry you say “just kidding, you didn't actually spat on me” or “Did you just fart, that's gross” she will deny it, but when you see her friends you could say “watch out with her she might or might not have farted just a minute ago, you might wanna get away from her ;)”
• Putting something she wants further away out of her reach and say “oh look it's running away better catch it before it's gone!”
• Copying, mimicking or even exaggerating her behaviour, her mannerisms, her expressions, her accent, her way of talking, her body language, her hand gestures, to make fun of her.
• Adding fake drama after she says or does something mean or dumb and say out loud things like: “that's it, we can't be friends anymore”, “that's it, we are breaking up”, “mental note to myself, don't date or talk to Christina”, “walk away from her… act like you don't know her”
• Acting like you didn't understand at all what she is saying and asking her to repeat herself all the time until she realises that you are just messing around with her.

Flirting examples (teasing prepares her for flirting):

• Taking what she says as an opportunity to hit on her: she says “are you gay” you say with a smirk “I was, just before I met you” or “not anymore” or she says: “how can you survive in such cold weather” you say: with a smirk “because you make me feel hot”
• Winks, air kisses, licking or biting your lip casually, letting her catch you checking her out, all of these is sexual behaviour that let's the other person know you are flirting.
• Low Voice tonality: if you want to make sure you are flirting lowering your voice tonality is great because it makes your voice sound more sexual, the trick is to make the things you say sound sexually suggestive by lowering and slowing down the tonality of your voice. (I don't mean lowering the volume of your voice it's not about speaking quietly, I mean lowering the tonality to sound more deep and more sexual).
• Compliments: “did I ever mention that you look so beautiful/sexy”, “I love your smile, it lights up the entire room”, “when you dress like that, it's so hard to keep my composure”, “when you smile at me like that, my heart starts beating faster”.

Playfully touching her:

• Playing footsie: this is when you touch a girls leg or feet with your own feet, by “accident” and instead of moving them away you playfully continue to touch her (if she doesn't want to play footsie, don't force it or she will start to think you are creepy, just try and see if she like it)
• Tickling her, hugging her, putting your hand on her waist, dancing with her, playing with her fingers, holding hands. Touching is essential. Touching can arouse people, but you need to be careful and do it right, if you touch in the wrong way or wrong place or at the wrong time, or you look very nervous when touching her it will be creepy, so act like it's normal and no big deal to touch people and make sure you don't touch butt, vagina, breasts, and you will be fine.

Making moves examples (flirting prepares her for your advancements, so that they are not totally unexpected):

• What's your number? (Texting is only for setting up dates, not to get to know her over the phone or to express any type of feelings and emotions over the phone)
• I wanna go out with you and have fun, how about next Saturday? (Asking out on dates)
• Attempting to kiss her or if you are adult have sex with her (though remember that No means No, so don't force it)
• Proposing or revealing your feelings of love to her: (this should only be done if you have already kiss her, have had sex with her and went on dates with her) if you are just friends who have not done any moves before this last one, then don't propose or confess feelings to her.