Why don't some girls like or find nice guys attractive?

I found this somewhere, but....there is a fair amount of truth to it, imo.
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

Nice Guys complain that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherently unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

How do you have a friend with benefits?

I have a friend with benefits, she was initially just a good friend, what I did was being very sexual, compliment her, flirt, touch her, dance with her. get close to her, go travel with her and sleep in the same bed of hostels with her.

There was always a bit of electricity when I was with her, when she touched me we both could feel that sort of electricity, like a weird pleasant feeling, when we watched movies we cuddled, and our hearts would start beating faster and the breathing would be more intense. You could say we had some electricity, although nothing happened for like the first 2 months. We were just friends.

The day we both had sex we were in a hostel, and I was taking a shower in the bathroom, I just came out naked because I forgot my towel and she couldn't help but be curious of my thing down there. She was kind of acting like oh no why are you naked, but she was also taking peeks all the time. It was like she wanted it, but couldn't admit wanting it or maybe was shy, I don't know. I put my underwear, dried, she took a shower, and also came out naked after finishing and putting her pijama in front of me. I offer to give her a massage and she agreed, I removed her clothes for the massage and use some moisturizing cream we have for the hands as massage oil.

When I was massaging her back, she couldn't help, but feel the electricity again, and was starting to move her body and making noises, I took that as a sign that she wouldn't mind if I spice things up, and started wishpering in her ear, like most girls she is very sensitive in the ear, so she started moaning with pleasure. I said to her I wanted to kiss her, and she said ok, so I just kiss her neck, and then she turned around and we started making out, removing my clothes, put a condom and had sex.

We always knew we felt the desire for each other before that happened because we could feel the sexual tension whenever we touched, and always joked accusing her of seducing me, while she said it was my fault that we felt that electricity. She always made it clear that she didn't want to date me, because I'm her good friend, and I always agree and said we couldn't date because we would just be too perfect for each other in a joking manner, I never took her rejection like a solid rejection because I knew that her words were not congruent with her behaviour. She was saying one thing, but her body was clearly saying the opposite and when I call her out for it she admitted, it could be possible.

We still don't date and have no intention of being together, but whenever we see each other we have sex and then just do normal friendly things like shopping, eating, watching moves, but we are also dating other people, she is dating some guy, and I am dating some other girl, we are not in exclusive relationships though.

To summarise:

If you are the guy, be very sexual, act like a man with her, it's ok to be friends, but be a man, don't hide your sexual interest, let her know she is turning you on but don't be creepy about it, always say things in a joking manner, don't tell her you want a relationship, instead just joke that you could never be together or things like that, but continue flirting, teasing and touching her, be comfortable with your sexuality and when there is an opportunity take it, don't hesitate don't be shy about it, be perfectly comfortable and confident of expressing your sexual desire. 

If you are scared of rejection or shy about sex or think she would get offended, you will never have a friends with benefits, also never tell her you have feelings for her because then the friendship with benefits will be over, and of course don't act jealous if she talks with or about other guys, and make a move, if you never go for a kiss, nothing will happen even if you both feel sexual tension, so tell her what you want and if she says yeah, game on.

As I said, I never hide the fact that I found her sexually desirable and that if she kept looking at me like that or touching at me like that, one day I would kiss her, she could have avoided me after saying things like that, but instead she played along until it happened, and now she is the one wanting it more than I do.

This answer taken from my Quora feed: 

How do you have a friend with benefits

How to show a girl that you want to become more than friends.

You show her by treating her like you want more than friendship, and by showing that you don't think of her as just a friend anymore, and that is by flirting with her, teasing her playfully, playfully touching her, and making moves. To flirt and tease could make your friendship awkward because you are behaving all of the sudden like a guy who wants to be with her rather than a guy who is just platonic. They key thing here is to know what you want if you begin to flirt with her then you should be ok with the fact that you could lose the friendship, which is normal. You cannot be both platonic friends and romantic partners, you have to choose.

Teasing examples:

• Pretending that she is annoying you with an obvious smile when you pretend to be annoyed. It has to be obvious that you are exaggerating your drama to the point of absurdity.
• Exaggerating playfully every mistake she makes, for example if she has trouble opening the locker, you could over exaggerate how clumsy she is, and like even a 1 year old could do it, the more you exaggerate the better, so she knows you are joking or must not be serious (Note: don't be too mean, always say you are just kidding at the ends, specially if she gets a bit mad or sad after teasing her).
• Offering a high five to her, but leave her hanging when she is about to high five you and making a bit of fun of her for being so naive.
• Pretend like something she did has disgusted you for example: “OMG, gross, you just spat on me when you said that, you are lucky to be pretty, cuz once the looks are gone you will be in trouble” if she says sorry you say “just kidding, you didn't actually spat on me” or “Did you just fart, that's gross” she will deny it, but when you see her friends you could say “watch out with her she might or might not have farted just a minute ago, you might wanna get away from her ;)”
• Putting something she wants further away out of her reach and say “oh look it's running away better catch it before it's gone!”
• Copying, mimicking or even exaggerating her behaviour, her mannerisms, her expressions, her accent, her way of talking, her body language, her hand gestures, to make fun of her.
• Adding fake drama after she says or does something mean or dumb and say out loud things like: “that's it, we can't be friends anymore”, “that's it, we are breaking up”, “mental note to myself, don't date or talk to Christina”, “walk away from her… act like you don't know her”
• Acting like you didn't understand at all what she is saying and asking her to repeat herself all the time until she realises that you are just messing around with her.

Flirting examples (teasing prepares her for flirting):

• Taking what she says as an opportunity to hit on her: she says “are you gay” you say with a smirk “I was, just before I met you” or “not anymore” or she says: “how can you survive in such cold weather” you say: with a smirk “because you make me feel hot”
• Winks, air kisses, licking or biting your lip casually, letting her catch you checking her out, all of these is sexual behaviour that let's the other person know you are flirting.
• Low Voice tonality: if you want to make sure you are flirting lowering your voice tonality is great because it makes your voice sound more sexual, the trick is to make the things you say sound sexually suggestive by lowering and slowing down the tonality of your voice. (I don't mean lowering the volume of your voice it's not about speaking quietly, I mean lowering the tonality to sound more deep and more sexual).
• Compliments: “did I ever mention that you look so beautiful/sexy”, “I love your smile, it lights up the entire room”, “when you dress like that, it's so hard to keep my composure”, “when you smile at me like that, my heart starts beating faster”.

Playfully touching her:

• Playing footsie: this is when you touch a girls leg or feet with your own feet, by “accident” and instead of moving them away you playfully continue to touch her (if she doesn't want to play footsie, don't force it or she will start to think you are creepy, just try and see if she like it)
• Tickling her, hugging her, putting your hand on her waist, dancing with her, playing with her fingers, holding hands. Touching is essential. Touching can arouse people, but you need to be careful and do it right, if you touch in the wrong way or wrong place or at the wrong time, or you look very nervous when touching her it will be creepy, so act like it's normal and no big deal to touch people and make sure you don't touch butt, vagina, breasts, and you will be fine.

Making moves examples (flirting prepares her for your advancements, so that they are not totally unexpected):

• What's your number? (Texting is only for setting up dates, not to get to know her over the phone or to express any type of feelings and emotions over the phone)
• I wanna go out with you and have fun, how about next Saturday? (Asking out on dates)
• Attempting to kiss her or if you are adult have sex with her (though remember that No means No, so don't force it)
• Proposing or revealing your feelings of love to her: (this should only be done if you have already kiss her, have had sex with her and went on dates with her) if you are just friends who have not done any moves before this last one, then don't propose or confess feelings to her.

Is it wrong to talk to a girl before the first date, does it necessarily lead to getting into the friend zone?

You only become just friends when you let it happen. If you don't tell a girl you fancy her from the beginning and you talk to her without expressing your intentions from the beginning then you just become platonic friends. She doesn't put you in the friendzone, she just simply is treating you as a friend.

That's why when you confess feelings later she says that she only sees you as a friend, because you have been acting as her friend, and she has only treat you as her friend and has never had the chance to think of you as more than a friend and just because you say you fancy her now, it's too late for her to see you on a different way.

You always need to be clear about what you are looking for from the beggaring that you first talk to a woman for the first time. If you are not clear, then girls will assume that you don't like them that way and will therefore be just your friend, or like you say you will be in the friendzoned. So basically the friendzone is not a punishment or anything it's just that the girls don't know you like them, and when you finally reveal that you like them it's too late, since they have already made the decision long time ago that you are just their friend and always will be.

So, if you talk to a girl before the date, you need to be clear, flirt with her, hit on her, say pick up lines if necessary to get your intentions across, call her attractive or sexy, or anything that suggests you fancy her sexually, and not as a platonic friend.

And if she doesn't want anything like that with you, she will let you know, but that's doesn't mean she had friendzoned you… it will just mean she has rejected you, but offers friendship if you are interested in that, and if you are not interested in just friends you shouldn't accept the offer.

How to impress a girl in school

The moment a woman senses you are trying to impress her she is turned off. Because attractive men don't need to try to be attractive. (And I don't just mean physically attractive, but overall attractiveness)

Don't impress her let her impress you.

Getting a girlfriend is not about impressing her it's about you encouraging her to impress you. You are not the one who has to impress her, it's her who has to impress you. She is the one who has to put effort to get you, and for her to put effort to get you, you need to be impressive.

So what does that mean? It means that you should be an impressive man not for her but on a day to day basis even if you never see her again. If you do impressive things just for her and to her, but then when you are not around her you go back to normal non-impressive mode, that is not impressive and she will know that you are full of shit when you try to impress her.

It’s not about doing things that make her say wow. It's about doing things that make you proud of yourself and to woo yourself. For example working out and getting a good body is what you can do to be impressive. If you get a good body, you will be an impressive man without specifically trying to woo her, which will make her put effort to get you to notice her and choose her. However if you say to her that you only workout to get girls she will be turned off. So do it for yourself, do it because you care about being healthy.

Another one is developing a hobby, something that you are good at and that you actually like doing, even if girls do not notice. For example, playing an instrument like the guitar. But not so that you can impress girls, but because you actually love guitar even if no girl cares. You need to be impressive and then girls will try hard to impress you and when that happens that's when you will get girls.

Focus on being impressive or impressing yourself for your own pride. Avoid trying to impress girls or trying to do things to get the approval of girls. Learn the difference between these two statements and apply it.

How to convince a girl who ignores you to like you

A typical question many guys ask is

What should I do to convince a girl who I liked, but after hearing it from me she won’t even talk with me?

The problem is that you are choosing the worst words for this, you don't convince anyone to like you, that is just silly, and very desperate I may add. 

Would you be convinced if a girl you simply didn't like for whatever reasons (maybe she is fat, or ugly, or old, or whatever) tried to convince you that you should date her? how? It's very unlikely.

You cannot use reason or logic to convince someone to like you. If you have to convince someone that you are good enough for her, it's because you are not. 

If you were good enough, she wouldn't need you to convince her, she would just think you are good enough. The same way she doesn't need to convince you that she is good enough for you, because you just know she is.

So, does that mean that everything is lost? that it's just about luck whether someone likes you or not? Not exactly.

You see, the reason you like her is because she has qualities that you find yourself attracted to, maybe it beauty; maybe it's her personality, her sense of humour, or her fashion sense or whatever.

That's why you know she is good enough because she has things you appreciate in girls that make you feel attracted to her

If she doesn't like you, it's because you are not showing her that you have qualities that she appreciates in guys that make her feel attractive towards you. 

So, how can you know what those qualities are, you may ask now, and it's a fair question. But the thing you have to understand is that you don't change yourself for something that this girl likes, you change yourself to grow up and be proud yourself of your own accomplishments, for example:

• You don't learn to be funny, only because girls like funny guys. You learn to be funny, because you want to make others feel good because that makes you happy and fulfilled.
• You don't go to the gym and get a 6 pack and some muscles, only because girls like fit guys. You workout because you want to prove to yourself that if you put your mind to it you can accomplish big goals, that not everyone can.
• You don't work for money in a job you hate, because you think girls like guys who have money. You work because you have a mission in life to make it a bit better with your skills, and earning money is just an indirect consequence of having a life mission, and not just a goal in itself.
• You don't play the guitar because you heard this girl likes guys who play guitar. You play guitar if you really feel like guitar is your passion which fulfils you and makes you proud of the music that comes from you playing it, and which you’s play even if girls didn't like it.

The point I am trying to make is that, just like she doesn't change herself for you, and you happen to like her for what she is, you don't change yourself for her, because you think then she will like you for that. 

You only change if you think that you want to change, because the way you are now doesn't fulfil you or satisfy you or make you proud of who you are. 

So, for example if you feel like your life is boring and a girlfriend would solve it, then you need to change not just to attract the girl but because you need to know what you can offer her.

If you have nothing valuable to offered to enjoy and seek a girl to have something valuable for you to enjoy, then she will probably not like you, because why would she? She has no reasons to.

In that case you need to change and become an attractive guy who has a life and things that makes him proud of himself. 

And only then when you have those things that make you proud of yourself and your accomplishments, it's when you go for the girl you like.

Now, at that point you are not gonna try to convince her to like you or give you an opportunity, at that point you are now offering her the opportunity to be with you, and if she doesn't accept the opportunity, it's her loss. 

Because you simply don't need to share what you have to offer her, if it's not appreciated.

“Do not cast pearls into swine” because the swine won't appreciate how valuable pearls are, so it's pointless to try to convince the swine.

But of course if you don't see yourself as valuable as a pearl, and you have nothing to offer her as valuable as her pearls, then it's unlikely she will want your offer. 

The reason she doesn't like you is because she doesn't think you have anything as valuable as her pearls to offer her. 

So you cannot convince her that if you offer her shit, she should accept and exchange her pearls for your shit. 

The only way you can show her that you have something valuable to offer her is by changing your offer, in other words become more valuable by doing accomplishing things that honestly make you proud.

How To Accept Yourself And Improve Your Confidence

Many people's questions when it comes to picking up girls are? Does size matter? Do girls think Daygame is creepy? Do girls like small guys? Do girls like fat guys? Do look matter? Do white girls like Asians boys? Is it ok to do Daygame in "x" place without people thinking I'm creepy? she doesn't invest much or she doesn't smile, am I doing something wrong? I am very old, can I still do Daygame and succeed with young girls? Am I too young for her? I have this weird quality, will girls like it? She says I'm not her type or that she doesn't like something about me, how do I fix it? I cannot approach because I am too scared of what she might think or anyone looking at me might think. She has turned down a rich and better looking guy than me, do I have any chance with her?

This type of questions come from the belief that you are not good enough for a girl in other words they come from your own insecurity... The belief that she is out of your league, because society standards and expectations says she should be... Expectations that your ego has accepted as the norm... The main thing you need to solve before attempting to attract any girl, is your own self-confidence. You have to accept all your flaws, you have to accept that you cannot be perfect, that no one in this world is perfect and that you don't need to be perfect. Accept that everyone will judge you and that's something you cannot control. Even if you think you are avoiding being judge, you are probably still being judge, you know why? Because if I see you I will judge you, I judge everyone I see whether I want it or not, whether that's good or not, but It doesn't really matter because you will never know for sure if I am judging you. My life goes on and your life too, no matter how many bad things I thought to myself about you.

That thing called ego, will suffer sure, ego will hate being ridiculed, ego will hate being criticized, ego will hate getting rejected. But you are not your ego, ego is not what defines you as a person. Ego is not your friend. Ego is what makes you unhappy. Ego is what makes you suffer, ego acts like your friend but in reality it is your own worst enemy. Ego is what makes you doubt in yourself, because ego believes you are better off in your comfort zone. Ego is like an invisible small red demon in your shoulder that tries to bring you down.

Learn to like yourself, learn to crack jokes about that flaw you have, if you are Chinese, learn to laugh at those stereotypes you have, crack jokes about your own penis, if you are short, learn to make fun of your height, if you are older than her, make fun of how you could be her father, if you are fat make fun of how she will have to be on top if she doesn't wanna start to do weightlifting on bed. If she doesn't like your pants, tell her that no matter how much she insists you are not going to pull them out. 

Make a list of all the flaws you have or all the stereotypes you are suppose to have and start looking for possible jokes you can use to your advantage while doing Daygame. This list will also help you to accept yourself. True confidence starts when you totally accept yourself. If you totally accept yourself, you will believe in yourself and if you believe in yourself, the girl will too and therefore you wil succeed. However if you do not believe in yourself, the girl will obviously not believe in you and therefore you will not succeed.